Do you struggle with uncertainty?
Are you scared of the unknown?
Do you stay in your comfort zone, even though you want more for yourself?
You’re not alone! Many people share the same struggles.
But why do we stay where it’s comfortable and certain? Why don’t we push ourselves outside of our comfort zone to be, do and have the things we desire?
In this post I share why we choose to stay small and how you can start living your purpose and reaching your goals.
What is the Comfort Zone in Psychology?
"The comfort zone is a behavioral state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviors to deliver a steady level of performance, usually without a sense of risk".
It's in this place that we become bored and we hit a plateau. It's in this place there is no motivation to grow or progress.
Why Do We Play a Small Game?
We play a small game because we allow our fears and our beliefs to drive our choices. They decide what we say yes and no to and how we choose to put ourselves out there.
The Role of Our Belief System
So where do beliefs come from?
Your beliefs were formed at a very young age, often between the ages of 0-7 years old. This is called the imprint years. It’s a time where we experience and witness events or moments that shape our minds and form our belief system.
If you grew up in an environment where your caretakers had fears, you likely took those on yourself.
Perhaps your caretakers worried a lot and so you became more careful and cautious?
Maybe mistakes were frowned upon and so you did anything to avoid making mistakes?
Perhaps they were critical of you and you became fearful of judgement?
What you believe about yourself, others, life, love, your abilities, relationships, money and beyond is reflected back as you see your life today.
We are very protective of our belief system so we spend our life time proving and confirming to ourselves that our beliefs are true.
But why protect a belief system that keeps us small?
Because your beliefs form part of your identity and without them who are you? That unknown place is scary. Who are you without your backpack filled with beliefs that you’ve carried around your entire life?
It would seem counterintuitive though to keep believing…
‘I’m not good enough’…
‘I can’t do that’…
‘It’s too hard’…
You hold onto that belief because letting it go would mean you have to be responsible. You have to follow through. You have to give it a go and be vulnerable.
It would mean going to a place you’ve never been before and that’s scary, unfamiliar and you doubt yourself that you can handle it.
So instead it’s safer to stay small, stay where it’s comfortable, where you know what to expect, where it’s secure and you’re protected...
And that gives you a sense of being in control. If you can control and make life BE a certain way, you will be okay.
Choosing to let go of outdated beliefs is a conscious choice. By doing the opposite of your beliefs you actually prove those beliefs to be false.
As you rewire the neural pathways in the brain (through repetition of a new behaviour), the old beliefs are replaced with new updated beliefs that reflect who you are today instead of who you were as a child when you took on that belief.
How to Play a Bigger Game to Overcome Fear?
Firstly, you DON’T wait for confidence to show up. Confidence comes from action, from movement, from actually doing something (and then repeating it!).
What you need to BE is courageous and you need to back yourself. If you find that difficult to do alone, find someone who will champion you until you can champion yourself. Someone who will encourage and lift you up.
As Jim Rohn says, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with” so choose wisely!
Make sure you spend it with people who inspire, encourage and motivate you.
If you want wealth, hang out with people who have an abundant mindset.
If you want great relationships hang out with people who love unconditionally.
If you want great health, hang out with people who live an active and healthy lifestyle.
When you go towards your fears expect that you will feel uncomfortable. You will experience an array of emotions and that is normal. What’s interesting is that as soon as you move, they dissipate.
How many times have you said to yourself after you conquered something “oh it wasn’t as bad as I thought!?”.
So, here’s the strategy…
Decide what you want and then act fast. Don’t allow your mind creative control to make so much drama!
Go towards your fears. Move beyond what’s comfortable and familiar. It’s the only way, but it’s the most rewarding.
It’s doesn’t have to be grand like moving overseas, selling your home or quitting your job…
That would be irresponsible. It’s about the small acts that lead you towards the bigger desire. One step at a time.
That could look like putting yourself first, setting a clear boundary with someone, speaking up for yourself, expressing your emotions, signing up for that course, handing in that job application…
Life is about learning how to let go of control. To surrender to a higher source. When you realise that you don’t have control over the outcome you learn to live in the moment.
Every moment is trying to unfold in front of you but you’re grasping so hard trying to make it be a certain way.
But when you release control you overcome fear and you are free. This allows divine intervention to work its magic.
You only have control of yourself and what you choose to do with your life. Of the decisions that you make. Where that leads is not up to you! Allow the miracles to unfold.
Life is about trusting that you can handle whatever life throws at you.
Have faith that something much greater is orchestrating something wonderful for you, even if at times life throws you curveballs. The ups and downs are how you grow and evolve as a soul, so use life as opportunity to meet your potential.
Be courageous, curious, adventurous and playful. Trust, have faith and surrender!
If you would like to learn more about how I can support you in not hiding and rediscovering a bigger version of you, click on the link below and book in for a free chat!